


Mortal Lock

by sandys18 (orphan_account)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Break Up, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sandys18
Summary: Oliver didn’t seem to understand. Felicity doubted he would ever understand how hurt she was by what he had done.Sitting behind the computer station, she watched him move up another level on the salmon ladder with ease. She used to so freely enjoy watching shirtless and sweaty Oliver climb up the salmon ladder when they were together, but now it was different. She felt she was once again just an IT girl stealing glances at her vigilante boss.As much as she pretended to be her usual bubbly self around him, seeing him day in and out wasn’t easy on her heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this by mistake earlier with one major mistake... so I had to repost it.
> 
> Hey!!! I haven't given up on my stories, but I've been feeling little bit down and angry with where the show is going so it's a bit difficult to write these days. So hoping I can write my way out of the writer's block or whatever, I wrote this thing.
> 
> I'm sure no one will agree with me 100% on what's happening on this story, I just hope the characters are not OOC and you'll read until the very end. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought.
> 
> IMPORTANT: Starts about 4 months after 4x15. 
> 
> Also no beta...

Oliver didn’t seem to understand. Felicity doubted he would ever understand how hurt she was by what he had done.

Sitting behind the computer station, she watched him move up another level on the salmon ladder with ease. She used to so freely enjoy watching shirtless, and sweaty Oliver climb up the salmon ladder when they were together, but now it was different. She felt she was once again just an IT girl stealing glances at her vigilante boss.

As much as she pretended to be her usual bubbly self around him, seeing him day in and out wasn’t easy on her heart.

It hurt.

He had hurt her.

He had lied to her.

Now that they were alone in the bunker —  now that it was just him and her on the team —  it had become even more difficult for her to ignore the pain she felt.

There was no place to hide. He was there wherever she turned, and at times she felt trapped.

She lowered her eyes back to the monitors in front of her. The searches she had been running was almost done. She couldn’t wait until it was over so that she could run home, and not think about Oliver.

“Who am I kidding?” She grumbled to herself.

She wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about him, or what had happened to them however hard she would try. The wounds were still too fresh and she wasn’t sure how long it would take for them to heal or if they ever would heal completely.

She didn’t trust easily, but she had trusted Oliver with her life, her heart and soul in away she hadn’t done with anyone else, and he had broken it.

It was the lying that broke her heart, not the fact that he had a child.  That was never the case. She would have welcomed William in to their lives if the truth hadn't unraveled the way it had and everything hadn't gotten so complicated. She would have done everything within her power to make sure that Darhk nor anyone else got their hands on him. She would have done all of it without a second thought, all for Oliver and his son.

She knew how hard it was to grow up without a father. So she wouldn't have ever in a million years have done anything to deny William the opportunity to get to know his father or deny Oliver the opportunity to get to know his son. She wasn’t a that kind of a woman.

When Samantha had revealed the demands she had made from Oliver, Felicity had tried to see things from his perspective. She had tried to understand how a mayoral candidate moonlighting as a vigilante would see the ultimatum given to him, and in that moment she had even been willing forgive him for everything. She had been willing to forgive him for continuing to lie about his son even after his sister, and a man the likes of Malcolm Merlyn had found out. She had been willing to forgive him for lying to her to go meet his son in secret while she was all alone in their apartment sitting in a wheelchair battling her own demons. 

Her eyes ran to Oliver again. He was now trying to move to the top most level on the salmon ladder, and he was too preoccupied with the exercise to notice her starting at his tattoos and his scars. She may not have known the stories behind each and every one of the marks on his skin — although he had already shared some of them with her — she knew he had gone through hell, and that none of those marks told a happy story.

It made her wonder if he had been unwilling to tell the truth simply because he didn't want to risk losing something that made him happy.

Could that mean he had lied to her about his son because he thought he could somehow lose the life he had built with her?

If so, did he really not know she wouldn’t judge him so severely on something that had happened in the past?

She took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose.

It made no sense.  What he had done made no sense.

Because this was _‘her_ ’, his fiancée, his partner, his girl Wednesday, his IT girl — not some woman he didn’t know or that didn’t know him.  She had stood by him during worse times than this. She had forgiven him, and let him off the hook for things he had done that had actually hurt her.

Her hand went to the small of her back where she still had the scars from her spinal surgery.

_She could still remember long days and nights she had spent in the hospital room wondering if she would ever be able to walk again._

_She had put on a brave smile when she realized Oliver had opted to go after Damien’s men rather than coming to visit her at the hospital. She had kept telling herself that catching Damien Darhk had become important to Oliver now more than ever because he was feeling helpless and responsible for what had happened to her. However,_ _it hadn’t been easy to just lie in a hospital bed paralyzed, longing to see her fiancé, only to be disappointed every time the door opened, and someone other than him walked in._

  _In fact she probably hadn’t ever felt so helpless and insecure in her life before._

_Considering the life he led, she had wondered whether he thought she had become more of a burden than an asset to him now._

_The helplessness, the loneliness and the fear his absence was making her feel had drawn out questions she wouldn’t have thought of otherwise -- sending her into a deeper state of depression._

_So, when he had finally shown up —  few hours after the surgery — she had told him how exactly his actions had made her feel._

_“Felicity, you think — “  He had taken the engagement ring out of his pocket and taken her hand into his. “The nurse... took this off in the ER. How dare she?” She had already forgiven him even before he was done slipping the ring back into her finger, simply because she loved him that much, simply because she had trusted him that much. Simply because this was her Oliver._

So had he also in a time of weakness felt insecure about her love, just as she had doubted his love for her while lying on that hospital bed?

Did he really think she would leave him over something like this; Because he had a son with a woman he slept with more than nine years ago — before they had even met?

Or had that even crossed his mind? Had it just been about keeping the promise he had made to Samantha?

Had the fear of losing her even factored into his decision to lie to her?

If it had, he had never said a word about it to her.

She put her glasses back on and set her focus back on Oliver. He jumped down from the salmon ladder and put his shirt on before moving to get his bow and quiver.

As she watched him get ready to practice, she remembered the short conversation they had the day she discovered about William.

_“I didn’t want to be a part of William’s life without the opportunity for you to be a part of his life.” He had told her. The words had warmed her heart and she had even smiled a little, momentarily forgetting the pain his lie had caused._

_Her knowledge of the ultimatum Samantha had given him and those words combined, had her leaning more and more towards forgiving him sooner rather than later. To be honest as angry and hurt as she had been, in her heart she had known she was always going to forgive him one day or another._

_“John has made it pretty clear that I should have made a more of an effort to be a part of William’s life and the best way to keep him safe would have been to keep him close.”_

She agreed with what John had said wholeheartedly. If Oliver had come to her for advice she would have probably said the same. She would have put her own issues aside and helped him  —  just as she had pushed away the feeling of betrayal for the time being to help him find William.

Nonetheless, even at that point of time —even during that conversation everything had seemed mendable to her.

It had seemed fixable, up until she had entered the living room of their apartment and heard him record a message to his son who was apparently moving to somewhere far away from Star City .

_“I wanted to give you a real childhood. I wanted to give you that gift. Goodbye, son.” She had heard the pain in his voice. She had felt his heartache as if it was her own. She understood why he had to let him go and as someone who had grown up without a father her heart had ached for William too._

_Yet, it had felt wrong that he had chosen to do this all by himself when he could have leaned on her, asked for her to be by his side. She would have been there for him, like she had been there for him the last 24 hours despite the fact that he had kept his son a secret from her._

_What did his actions say about their partnership?_

_What did his decision to send his son away mean to their future, and any plans for children?_

_Their lives were dangerous. She wasn't under any delusions that they could have what was considered a normal life, but like every person she would loved to have something close to a normal. So when she had said ‘yes’ to Oliver's proposal she had believed when the time would come for them to talk about children, the outcome of the decision would be vastly different to the decision he had taken in regards to William. Because she wasn't Samantha. She was Felicity Smoak. Unlike Samantha, she was a part of his life and his partner in every aspect of his life._

_Or so she had thought._

_Listening to him talk, sitting there all alone in their apartment it had seemed as if he had once again retreated to that island in his head when he could have relied on her for some form support._

_He had excluded her again and he had no excuse for doing so._ _Damien Darhk's wrath had ended, and the storm had passed. He had plenty of time to talk things with her before proceeding to record that message to his son. He had time to talk to her before deciding to send him away._

_Her heart had clenched._

_The realization that the man she was about to marry and was hoping to spend the rest of her life with not only had lied to her for weeks, but also had chosen to exclude her from this new part of his life, had made her doubt everything._

_He hadn’t even considered to say two words about it to her. He hadn’t considered how it might affect their lives, their future._ _Would he ever include her in anything personal like this? Was he always going to retreat to his island and leave her to find answers by herself? Would he lie to her again?_

_Did he really consider her the type of partner she thought she was to him?_

_And, that had been the straw that broke the camel’s back._

_“I can’t do this.” She wasn’t sure if she could go on any longer if this was how it was always going to be._

_The heartache she had felt as she pulled that ring off her finger and placed it on the table couldn’t be compared to anything._

_“When your son was in danger, I had to table what I was feeling about everything. But now that I had some space, I realized I need space.” She herself hadn’t been able to believe that this was happening — that this was going to end and this was how it was going to end._

_“Felicity — “ He had looked so broken and guilty about what had happened, but she knew she had to do this now before she got stuck in a life where he time and time again would chose to exclude her, take her trust, and her love for granted._

" _I know the position Samantha put you in and that it was an impossible decision and you’re right. But you should have told me. Marriage is about inclusion. It’s about leaning on your partner when things get complicated. I don’t think that you know how to do that.” She could barely see Oliver through the tears that had pooled in her eyes, but she kept her eyes on him._

_“I’m trying.” She had heard him mumble. He still hadn't seemed to have realized that he shouldn’t always expect her to understand what’s going on in his head and forgive him every time just because he was trying._

_“And now you’re sending William away and I understand why. You know that I do. But once again you have left me out of the decision.”_

_She gasped feeling her legs move unexpectedly._

_“Oh my God!” They both had said in unison._

_She had slowly gotten up and looked at Oliver._ _If things had been different she would have walked up to him. Her heart had in fact urged her to take that first step in his direction.  However, things truly hadn’t been different, and her brain didn’t think it would be safe to trust what her broken heart had to say._

_So she had turned around to walk away from him, against the wishes of her heart._

  _It was as if fate had played a cruel joke on her — on both of them. All this time she had hoped her legs would heal in time for her to walk down the aisle towards him, but they had healed in time for her to walked away from him._

_“Ah!” She cried softly. The strain she felt on her back and legs as she took those first few steps had been nothing compared to the ache she had felt in her chest or the uneasy feeling she had felt in the pit of her stomach at the thought of leaving Oliver._

_However, even as she walked away from him she had hoped he would stop her and say that he was sorry for lying to her and excluding her._

_She had believed in them — in their love so much so she had felt that he had just had to say that one magic word for them to mend what was broken. If he had she was sure she would have probably stopped and considered giving them another chance right then._

_But he hadn’t._

It had been 3 months and 22 days since their break up and he still hadn’t said 'sorry'.

 _“You can ask me to say that I don’t love you, but I would never lie to you again.”_ A tear ran down her cheek remembering that part of his vows.

Their wedding may have been fake, but she knew his vows were real. She knew the intention behind those words. She knew what he was promising and why, yet after everything that had happened she needed him to say ‘sorry’ to her without any ulterior motive behind it. Not because he wanted her back, not because he thought it would be a quick way to fix things, but because he genuinely was sorry and needed her to forgive him.

Sometimes it was important to hear certain things in a particular way in order to feel reassured, in order to be able to rebuild the trust that was lost. Especially since she wasn’t sure if he would have ever told her the truth if Damien Darhk hadn’t kidnapped his son. Especially since she felt as if every man he had let into her life had lied to her or disappointed her in someway.

The thwick sound of the arrows leaving the bow grabbed her attention.

He had hit the bull’s eye again. His skill, his strength and his determination to save Star City never seized to amaze her. As a matter of fact he now seemed more focused on his mission to save Star City than he had ever been. So much so, she sometimes wondered if he had lost himself in the process.

This new version of Green Arrow she was beginning to see didn’t think twice to kill anyone anymore. She barely saw him smile. She barely heard him talk about anything other than Mayor business or vigilante business. It was hard for her to understand what might have forced him to act that way, but whatever the reason was she felt as if he was strangely reverting to the cold, ruthless man he had been before she joined the team.

She wondered if he himself had noticed the change. She wondered if he noticed what was happening to them.

Did he any longer even noticed her or saw her as a friend?

It was true she had asked for some space, but it felt as if he distancing himself not just from her, but from life itself. He almost seemed like a robot focused only on his mission.

Last week when she had almost had a panic attack while trying help him deactivate a bomb over the coms. She had expected him to come to the bunker running worried over her, but he hadn’t said a word about the incident. As a matter of fact, he didn’t seem to notice how much she was struggling with the decision she took to save Monument Point.

She had saved millions of lives that night, but she couldn't forget about the hundreds of people who lost their lives because of the choice she was forced to make. Working alongside Oliver for more than four years she had come to realize that heroes have to make tough choices. She had seen Oliver do the same plenty of times, but it still wasn't easy to get over. The guilt pestered her however much she tried to push it away and pretend that it wasn’t there.

She was getting tired of wearing a fake smile all the time. She wished she could talk to someone about it. Tell someone how she felt, but she felt as if she had no one.

_"Psst If you need to talk to someone about your day, you can talk to me.” It felt as if it was just yesterday Oliver had muttered those words to her._

Was that invitation still open? Would he still be willing to talk to her, listen to her despite what had happened between the two of them? Did he still consider her a close friend or were they nothing more than teammates now?

She set her eyes on him.

She doubted that he would be willing to talk with her like they used to. The Oliver Queen she loved, the Oliver Queen who had ran away with her to start a new life, would have already picked up on her mood change, but the man standing in front of her didn’t. 

Something was off about him. Something didn't feel right.

She wondered if it ever would be right — if things ever would be the way they were before — the way things were supposed to be.

Her hand unconsciously went to her phone lying next to the keyboard. She skimmed over the contacts without exactly knowing whose number she was searching for.

Her finger stopped at, Detective Malone’s profile. She had saved his number few weeks ago when Oliver was working on a case the Detective was in charge of. However last night, when she was leaving Big Belly burger she had bumped into the detective and he had asked her if she would like to go out for coffee sometime. She had somehow babbled her way out of it, but now she suddenly found herself reconsidering that offer.

Detective Malone was a straightforward cop without a secret life. He was in many ways different from Oliver and that alone was provoking her to accept that coffee date.

Her attention once again was taken by the sound of arrows hitting the target.

She followed Oliver with her eyes as he walked towards the target to pull the arrows out.

As he stared at him she realized that as much as she wanted to move on she wasn’t ready yet.

But would she ever be?

She put her phone aside deciding she would go home and rethink going out with Detective Malone.

 

* * *

 

_**5 months later…** _

 

Oliver sat on his Ducati impatiently waiting for the traffic light to turn green again.

He couldn’t believe how much of an idiot he had been the last few months. He shouldn’t have ever thought that all Felicity needed was just some space.

When two months ago he had found out that Felicity was dating Billy Malone, he had given up on them so easily, thinking a break would be best for the two of them.

" _Time heals all wounds,”_ they said. _“Sometimes you need to grow a part to grow closer.”_ they said.

Lies! Lies!

He should have just turned a deaf ear to those outdated proverbs.

More space he had given her and more he had distanced himself from her, more he had reverted to being the very thing she had accused him of being — a man choosing to be trapped in an island — a man  choosing to be alone when he didn’t have to.

He should have shown her he could change. He should have short and simply said he was sorry for lying to her, for hurting her. He should have understood back then that it wasn’t simply about the lie and it was also about his failure to treat her like the partner she deserved to be treated as.

 _“No matter how much you love me, there’s always a part of you that defaults to the man that was on the island.”_ He knew her intention wasn’t to hurt him and that she was as hurt as she was, but those words still stung him, like any harsh truth always did.

 _“When I said that I was hurt. I was going through one of the most painful experience of my life. Oliver, you’re not perfect. None of us are. The good news is that all of us can change.”_ she had later confessed at the underground casino in Hub City. Yet, rather than showing her he could change, he had admitted defeat. He had somehow given into the idea he was  incapable of doing so. 

And now, because of his lies, his mistakes he was going to lose her — lose everything.

After consciously avoiding seeing Malone and Felicity together for months, last night, for the first time he had seen the couple — dancing at the Annual Mayoral Ball.

An alarm had gone of in his head instantly. Everything had suddenly become all too real. ' _Felicity and Malone'_   were suddenly not just a thing that happened in the background. Malone was suddenly not just a name of some detective that Felicity mentioned a few times a day.

He had finally seen the folly in accepting to move on and see what life had in store for him next, when in his heart he had known Felicity was “It” for him.

The traffic light turned green and he drove through the street in high speed to get to what once had been _their_ apartment.

He didn’t care if Billy Malone was going to be there or not. He had to talk to her. He had to let her know how he felt before it was too late.

He parked the bike in the alley behind the apartment building and climbed up through the fire escape just as he had done the last time he had gone to meet her.

He got up to the balcony and looked in through the glass doors.

Most of the lights were turned off, and he saw no sign of Malone. Felicity was running around in the kitchen with a spoon searching for something.

A small smile tugged at his lips watching her. It felt as if it wasn't that long ago he had come home to her to find her trying and so miserably failing to make an omelette. He missed those days. He missed Ivy town. He missed sitting in front of the fire place here — in this very apartment and listening to her babble about her day.

He missed her.

With his eyes still glued on her, he quietly opened the door. Smell of burnt eggs filled his nose and it just made him smile a bit more.

“Felicity Smoak, you have failed another omelette.” He had said in his Arrow voice startling the blonde, making her drop the spoon in her hand.

“What the — “ She turned around in a flash with her hand over her chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What are you doing here, Oliver? How did you even get in here?”

He eyed the balcony outside, and she rolled her eyes understanding the meaning of his gesture.

“You know since you haven’t faked your death recently you could have just used the front door,” she said throwing away the burnt omelettes.

He simply smiled back in response. 

“So, are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” She walked towards the living room area and he followed her, trying to think of the right words to explain the her why he was there.

“I came here to say… to say… that—  “

“Billy proposed.” She turned around to face him, fixing her glasses.

He stopped in his tracks. “Oh? Wh.. when?” He hated himself even more right then. He had taken far too long to come to his senses and things seemed to have gotten more serious between Felicity and Malone than he had thought.

“Last night.” She sat on the couch, hugging a cushion. “I said....I said ‘no’. It didn’t feel right. It never felt right.”

“Oh?” He sat next to her. He wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to say, but he would be a liar if he were to say that he didn’t feel relieved that she had refused Malone’s proposal.

“I broke up with him,” She looked at him, eyes filled with tears, forehead wrinkled.

He hated seeing her sad. He wanted to pull her into her arms  in that moment and tell her everything will be alright. “Felicity, — “

“He thought it’s because of you.” 

He wanted to know if Malone had been right and if he was at least 1% of the reason why she had said 'no'. He wanted to know if there was still a chance for him to make things right, but he didn’t know how to ask. "Felicity, is --"

“Does it matter?” Felicity seemed to have figured out the question he had in his mind either way. She gazed at him for a long second before letting out a breath. “It doesn’t matter because you’re with Susan now. Last time I saw you two together you two looked — .”

“Susan? Susan and I aren’t together anymore. We  haven’t been together for awhile now.” They had stopped seeing each other few weeks ago, when he realized that relationship wasn’t going anywhere. She was just the first person who showed up in his life when he was trying to prove himself that he too could move on just like Felicity.

 If Susan was anything to him, she was just a distraction.

“Oh?” She stared at him with her eyebrows raised.

“And it was never real to either of us… we were just — “

“Ugh! I don’t think I want to know what it was about.” She shook her head and looked the other way.

“I can understand that. It wasn’t necessarily easy for me to accept you and Billy.”  His blood boiled even at the memory of seeing Felicity dancing with Billy Malone. What kind of a name was that anyway?

“You didn’t look like you were not Ok with it last time you climbed up the fire escape to talk to me." She scoffed, but still refused to look at him.

“You said you weren’t leaving the door open for me.” He had come to meet her that night unsure of what he was going to say or what he wanted or what to expect. When Felicity had said what she said he had felt as if he had no choice but to let her go.

“You said, you’re not angry with me for seeing someone else, but you’re only upset that I didn’t tell you. So I wasn’t sure I should tell you that — ”

“So you _were_ keeping the door open for me?”

“That's not the point Oliver.” She rolled her eyes and got up.

“I wish you had said something then, Felicity.” He caught her hand and stopped her from walking away. He was disappointed to hear that they could have worked things out months before.

“You had plenty of time to make things right before I ever thought of seeing someone else, but you didn’t.” She pulled her hand away. “And we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if you had told me the truth… If you had really considered me as someone deserved to be included in your life.”

 He stood up and took both her hands into his. “I was asked to choose between you and my son. It wasn’t easy for me to lie to you. I wanted to tell you despite the promise I made. I wanted to…so many times. Believe me… But I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of losing everything I love. My son… you.” He stepped even closer, held her hands even tighter.

“I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I do. But, Barry… he changed the timeline and he said he saw something and I just —  I don’t know. I knew you wouldn’t, but it wouldn't be true if I say what Barry said didn't make me take a small step back.”

She stared back at him, anger, and sadness whirling in her big blue eyes.

“Everything happened so fast and I did what I thought was the best thing to do at the time... For William. I thought I might be able to tell you the truth once I’ve processed everything, and … then the longer I took to tell you harder it became for me to tell you — harder it became to think of how to explain to you why it took me so long to tell you. Lies then piled up …and — I should have just listened to my first instinct, which was to tell you about William — to include you.”

“But you didn’t. You then had a second chance to include me when you were deciding to send your son away, but you still didn’t. You hurt me Oliver. You lied to me. It huts me to even to know that every time you told me that you're going to central city to meet Barry, you were lying to me. You made me feel like an outsider… not your fiance, not your partner, not even your friend.” Tears she had been holding in all this while ran down her cheeks and his hands instinctively reached out to wipe them away.

"Last night I saw you with Malone and I —"

 She backed away from his touch.

“I can’t do this right now.” She drew her hands from his grasp and ran to one of the bedrooms.

“Felicity…” He followed her, but before he could catch up to her she had already locked the door.

“Felicity, open the door! Please!” He could hear her crying on the other side of the door and it pained him to know that he was once again the reason for her tears. “I’m sorry Felicity. I should have done this sooner. I should have heard what you were trying to say sooner. But I’m here now. And I’m not leaving until we solve this. I’m not letting you go again.” He kept knocking on the door and turning the doorknob to no avail.

“Tonight I came here to tell you I’m sorry for everything that happened — for lying to you, for making you feel like I took your love, your heart for granted. I hurt you. Broke your heart. I broke your trust. Please. give me a chance to earn it back.”

 He heard some movement on the other side of the door and he thought she was going to come out. Yet minutes passed, and the door never opened.

“We’ve both been trying to hide from our own feelings for too long. We both have been trying too long and wasted so much of trying to move on when we know we can’t.”

The door at last opened and she stood in front of him without saying a word — her eyes puffy and cheeks red from crying.

“Felicity, talk to me please… tell me what you’re thinking.” It wasn’t like her to stay quiet for so long and he was scared to think what it could mean.

“Felicity?”

Without saying anything she walked passed him to the living room.

“Say something, please.”

"Oliver.” She glared at him. "Would you have come here if you didn't see me with Billy? If you didn't think you were going to lose me to him?"

"Felicity —" He fell silent. He had been wanting to make things right with her for a long time, but seeing them together was what pushed him, woke him up and reminded him he had to fight for her.

"Please leave Oliver." She looked away.

"I'm sorry Felicity. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I waited this long to understand what I have to do. I don't expect you to give us a chance again. Just give me a chance to show that I'm capable of being more than a man that runs and hides in an island."

She was quiet again and  he wondered what might be going through her head. Would she ask him to leave again or would she consider his request?

 “Nothing probably hurt me more than to leave you when I did." She turned to look at him. "But as much as I can understand your reasons for doing everything you did, I felt that if I stayed in that moment I would always be stuck there — that you’ll continue to treat me that way.” She closed her eyes and opened them again as if she was steeling herself to say what she had to say.

“I feel like I let you hurt me too often. I still don't think you even have any idea how I felt when you didn’t tell us your plan to take down Ra’s.  I don't think you have any idea how alone and abandoned I felt you didn’t come to the hospital. I know we talked about it — “

“I’m sorry Felicity.  I wanted to be there. But I just couldn’t. Everyone expects me to be strong, but I just wasn’t strong enough to see you like that. And to know that it was my fault you were there…I...  I just couldn’t …I just couldn’t step into that room. I just couldn’t to face you without finding Darhk… without feeling like I did something to protect you.”

“You were hiding like you always do.” Her accusation hit him hard, but he knew  it was true. It was probably selfish of him to worry about his own pain, his own agendas and not think about how the person who was actually going through the trauma would feel.

“I know that now and I hate myself for it. “ He took her hand. “I’m so sorry Felicity. I’m sorry I lied to  you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for waiting until now to say that to you.”

“Oliver, I — “

“You don’t have to forgive me just yet. Just consider giving me a chance to prove I’ve learned from my mistakes. That's all I ask.” He pleaded squeezing her hand gently.

She got her hand released from his grip and turned her back to him. “Ok.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, so he wasn’t so sure he heard her right.

“What?” He went around her and placed himself in front of her.

“I said OK. I will consider it, but this doesn’t mean everything is fixed and they are back to normal.” There was a hint of a smile on her face and he felt as if his whole world world brightened up because of it.

“I know.” He had gravitated even closer towards her without even realizing it.

“We have to take baby steps.” She took a step back.

“I’m OK with baby steps.” It was going to be even more of a torture for him to keep his distance from her now that he knew she too wanted to make things work between them, but he knew she was right.

“So…” She flopped back onto the sofa behind her and he followed her lead.

“So…” He turned to look at her. There were still signs of her tears visible on her face and it hit him once again how much he had hurt her by betraying her trust. It hit him how wrong he had been to distance himself from her, even if he had thought he was doing it for the right reasons. Further he had moved away from her, further he had let himself be consumed by darkness. By doing so he had actually even failed to be there for her like the friend he had once promised he would be.

“Psst Felicity,” He put his hand on her shoulder. “I know I should have said this before… months ago... If you ever need someone to talk to about your day or anything, you can still talk to me:”

“Thank you.” She put her hand over his,. “Oliver.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he frowned at her. It was his lie that catapulted everything. He couldn’t understand what she had to apologize for. 

“I’m sorry for all the future coffee cups I’m not going to bring you.” She burst into a fit of laughter. He had missed this — just the two of them sitting on their couch together, late at night, and just talking and laughing.

“It’s fine as long as I'm the only one you’ll refuse to bring coffee to.”  

He would be absolutely jealous if she had refused to bring coffee to anyone else but him. It probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else why that would bother him so much, but in his head it made perfect sense. It was _their_ thing, he felt.

“You’re the only one.”  She smiled, patting his knee gently and somewhat awkwardly. “Whatever happened or will happen I just know I feel most myself when I’m with you.”

“And I am the best version of myself when I’m with you.” He confessed before leaning forward to capture her lips with his own.He knew they had sort of decided to take things slow, but he couldn’t help himself. She was just sitting barely a feet away from him, how could he not cup her beautiful face and kiss her?

“Baby steps remember?” She put a hand on his chest and stopped him. 

“Yeah…” He grudgingly leaned back, but her words somehow made him wonder about their future -- how it would be to have a baby girl with Felicity’s smile and eyes taking her first steps in the living room, calling him ‘dada’ and Felicity ‘mama’

“Oliver?” Felicity asked, drawing him out of the imaginary world, which he hoped would someday be real.

Even though he had to send William away, he hoped it would be different if he were to have a child with Felicity. Because she was Felicity, and they should and would find a way to make it work.

“Is everything alright?”

“Everything is perfect.” He smiled, catching her hand and silently promising himself that he would always be there for her from now on and would never give up on their love again.

 


End file.
